Peter ‘Coxey’ Cox on Leadership and Being Led | Proactive Podcast Episode #135
I was first introduced to Peter Cox and his method of replacing yourself in your business by my good friend and previous guest on the podcast Theo Vairaktaris.
In reading Peter’s book, Your Business Shouldn’t Need You, I discovered that Theo amongst others have given a lot of thanks to Peter Cox for helping them build leadership teams within their business so that those businesses run without them.
Having Peter on my show was epic - to say the least - and I can’t wait for the world to hear this podcast and explore more of what Peter - aka Coxey as I now know him - has to share.
My number one takeaway from the podcast was that leaders need to be led because how can anyone be expected to be respected as a leader if they’re not being led themselves.
I’ve had numerous mentors in my life and business and I can honestly say that those are the times I grew the most.
Follow Peter and Leadership Dynamics via the links below:
Peter Cox:
https://www.linkedin.com/in/highperformanceleadershipdevelopment/
https://www.instagram.com/petercoxcoxey/
Leadership Dynamics:
https://www.instagram.com/leadershipdynamicsglobal/
https://www.linkedin.com/company/leadership-dynamics-global/
https://twitter.com/LeaderDynGlobal
https://www.facebook.com/leadershipdynamicsglobal
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Video Transcript
- [Host] Welcome to the Proactive Podcast, brought to you by MeMedia.
- Good day world, Chris Hogan coming to you from MeMedia studio here at Burleigh Heads, for episode 135 of the Proactive Podcast. And today I have with me, Peter Cox. Welcome Peter.
- Thanks Chris for having me.
- Better known as Coxey, I understand?
- That's my nickname, Coxey, yes.
- Very good. I was first introduced to you by a good friend of ours, Theo Vairaktaris. He actually handed me your book which was "How to replace yourself."
- "Your business shouldn't need you. Start to replace yourself in 180 days."
- Thank you. Very good. Mate, in reading your book, I was inspired to get you on the show. That was my first interaction with you and seeing you outside, you know, Usher Group's office on a regular basis. Every time I visited, actually.
- Yeah.
- You know, I knew something good was going on inside because the success of Usher Group, and Theo, I think is definitely attributed to your mentorship. And mate, I'm super grateful to have you here today.
- Thanks Chris.
- Mate, when did you first realise you had a passion for leadership mentoring?
- When I started my first business in October, 1988, with $11 in the bank.
- It was a side hustle in the direct sales industry, and I came from a working class background in the Western suburbs of Sydney in Campbelltown. I'd seen my parents work very long hours. Low to middle income earners. I'd always wanted to work for myself and my wife had always had that dream, and I realised the importance that if we were gonna be successful in our own business, we'd have to become leaders and not managers. And we started to really study leadership and I really had dedicated my life to being led and mentored over the last 34 years.
- So through that, you've sort of alluded to my next question which is, you know, what's the number one mistake leaders make when they want to become a better leader?
- I ask my clients this question. I'll ask you this question, Chris. Who leads you? Yeah. And I've read the book so I know the answer.
- [Chris] But-
- And most people say, "Well, I lead myself, Coxey."
- Myself, yeah.
- And I go, "Well, how's that going for you?"
- [Chris] Yeah.
- And they go, 'Well, that's why you're here." Exactly.
- It's about having humility to allow yourself to be led, like Theo from the Usher Group. Very successful businessman in his own right. Big business.
- [Chris] Yeah.
- It takes humility to step out and say, "I want to become accountable to someone and be led." And that started for me in 1992, when I walked off a big stage in Darling Harbour Convention Centre in Sydney. It was probably seven or 8,000 people there. That's where I found my mentor. He was sitting in the front row and he was gonna be the guest speaker, and I thought I was doing well. You know, I had a convertible Porsche, a couple of properties. I was making more money than I ever made. I was 29 years of age. I've been in business for three years. And he said, "Coxey, how long you been in business for?" I said, "Three years." And he said one thing to me. He said, "It takes 20 years to build anything great," and then he just walked off. And it humbled me 'cause I realised, 'Well, I've only been in business for three years and this guy's a giant." And so I ran after that guy and I developed that relationship for 22 years, and that's why I'm here with you now, Chris. Not because I'm smart. I grew up in the Western suburbs of Sydney. Half my mates are in jail. The other half are dead. I've been expelled from two high schools. I was always gonna be a leader. My parents had to get me out of the Western suburbs to the Southern suburbs of Sydney, otherwise I was going down the wrong pathway. I was always gonna be a leader, but I'd always led myself. And my business, Leadership Dynamics, was born outta this principle that had such a profound impact on my life that I wanted to make a difference in other people's lives, by the power of leading and mentoring other people.
- What was the first sign in your early days that you had a knack for leadership, or that people wanted to be led by you?
- That's a great question because if you read all of my report cards, "He's a rebel." "He doesn't listen." A couple of things. I did a personality profile test on myself. The Littauer profile test. Florence Littauer sold a million copies of a book called "Personality Plus." My mentor profiled me and it saved my marriage as well, because my wife and I have different strengths and different weaknesses. There's 20 strengths and 20 weaknesses. Now if you read the weaknesses, they're not good. You've got 'em, I've got 'em. But when you look at the strengths that you have in your personality, and so I focused on growing six key strengths which grew my influence. The number one characteristic of a leader is influence, and influence means follow me. I seek influence over results. I've dedicated 30 plus years of my life. What can I do to grow my influence so people wanna follow Coxey? So I can make a difference in their life. Add value. Be significant in their life. I teach my clients to think about what are you doing Chris, right now, to grow your influence? 'Cause if you're not growing your influence, you're not a leader.
- Yeah. Well to answer that, I'm very passionate about education.
- [Peter] Mm-hmm.
- And so I wrote this book, "Building Brands on Purpose."
- [Peter] Mm-hmm.
- And I didn't realise... I always wanted to write a book. I didn't realise I had a book in me at the time and through a "Key Person of Influence" course that I did, founded by Daniel Priestley-
- Mm-hmm.
- discovered that through that process, I did have something worth saying. And it was 20 years of industry experience that sort of came out in that book. Mate, I was just as surprised as everybody else of the quantity and quality of the content in that book.
- Isn't it interesting. You said 20 years. It takes 20 years to build anything great. And after 20 years, you wrote that book 'cause you've actually got something to say now.
- Yeah.
- And it will make a difference in people's lives. You won't believe who may pick that book up, that helps them grow their business, build their brand.
- Well. And even through the small amount of people that have read it so far, it was only released last year, I already do get great feedback and great response. My father's values are a very important part of that book. And one person said to me, "You've left not only your own legacy, but your father's legacy as well-
- [Peter] Mm-hmm.
- in that book." His values will go on to inspire anybody that reads that book. That blew my mind.
- And whoever's listening to this podcast right now. I hated reading. Like I couldn't wait to get outta university. I went to university for girlfriends, beers, and playing football. I didn't care about getting a degree. I got a marketing degree. A pass was 50. 51 was too much work. I got my degree. I said, "Once I got outta Uni, I'm never gonna read again." And I said that to my mentor who used to devour books, and he was a very, very successful person in all areas of his life. And he said to me, "Coxey, leaders are readers," and I've never forgotten that statement. And what I've done, I read 15 minutes today before I came here. I read 15 minutes every day. Something positive from a book, from a blog, right? I stay away from negative stuff, and it's become a life habit. Now when I started travelling the world, I used to look at people stare out the window for 24 hours flying to London, and I might read half a book. I started to create a bigger habit when I was flying. What I've learned from people that write books has helped me create more success in my life, and I'm very grateful. And he said to me, "Smart people write books."
- Okay.
- So you're smarter than you think, Chris. Yeah, thanks Coxey.
- It's funny. My mentor who's in that book, Leigh Kelson, he is the same. Devours books. I was already reading a bit but when he came along, I increased that.
- [Peter] Mm-hmm.
- and after like you've consumed several? It feels like, "Give me another one." Like this knowledge. You know, just having this amazing thirst for knowledge now. It's like life's short. You know, I'm 43.
- [Peter] Sure, correct.
- Got over that little hump.
- [Peter] Mm-hmm.
- Not, you know? Not gracefully mind you.
- But... Yeah, it's amazing.
- So yeah, we digress.
- [Peter] Mm-hmm.
- Look... I understand you have a programme that helps people become better leaders, and-
- [Peter] Mm-hmm?
- I've seen from the outside, not in person, that happening in person inside an organisation. You. There.
- [Peter] Yes.
- Educating and mentoring-
- [Peter] Correct.
- people.
- [Peter] Mm-hmm?
- How have you scaled that?
- Okay, so to build a successful organisation, you build it one-on-one. So my premium clients pay me for a half-day/full day to mentor them, their key people, and there's a rhythm to it. It's every month. But I want to reach more people. There are people that can't afford my service. Okay? So what I've done is I've created a programme called High Performance Team Fundamentals. It's called "Leading for Growth." So if you're a business owner and you are leading one person or you want to grow a team or you're leading 100 or like Theo, 500 people? This programme, you can invest in it for $297. 12 videos. It's like $24 a month, and it's 30 minutes a week. The key to it is the consistency of doing this programme 30 minutes a week, the way it's all been developed, and you will lead for growth. and you'll have me on your TV or your computer mentoring you one-on-one like I would do now if you were a real liVe client with me. You will get tremendous value out of it because it's between you and I. The personal accountability part is the online work booklet where you have to fill out the answers to the questions I'm gonna ask you on this programme. And it's scaling, there's five or six countries now with business owners that have come into the programme. I do a live hour event called "The Hour of Power," first or second Monday of every month where the global community's starting to come in. We're up to 100 now. It's starting to scale. It's starting to grow. I've got companies that are now looking at bringing it in, like the Usher Group, to reach more of the people that can't become part of the full day programme with me. It's just a way to give back and make a difference in a young entrepreneur, young leader's life. Mm-hmm.
- Fantastic mate.
- [Peter] Mm.
- I'll be on that for sure. So, I do know what happens though. To me personally, I get huge inspiration when I'm doing these courses, and I do get an action now. There was a time when I used to do the courses and sort of float along and not be super active. I realised my mistakes, and so now I am one of those very proactive people.
- Mm-hmm.
- And with your course, I'll be excited, I'll be inspired, and I'll get to the end of it. And there'll be a lifetime of that inspiration that will occur-
- [Peter] Mm-hmm.
- after I finished the end of that course. What do I do when I get to the end of the course, mate?
- Well, I'm developing new ones as we speak-
- [Chris] Okay.
- Chris. So there's gonna be-
- I thought you were just gonna say, "Go back to the start and do it all over again."
- [Peter] No.
- No. An important part of that Leading for Growth programme is plugging into the live event once a month with the other community members.
- [Chris] Mm.
- And down the track, when this crazy world stabilises a bit more. You know, I'm gonna be looking at doing live events with myself and other influential people, like Theo for example, to give back to that community. So that's sort of the bigger picture, the bigger vision I have. But it's about being with the community as well, and getting on the Facebook page and looking at some of the comments and learnings that other people are getting. And as I add more and more programmes to it... I've just introduced one called "Dream Foundations." I wrote my first book called "The Dream is Everything," and you have to have a dream.
- [Chris] Mm-hmm.
- Not a goal. A dream's much deeper than having a goal, and I believe the dream is everything. And the most important thing that made my dreams come true was the last chapter. Chapter 10, The Association Factor. Who you associate with is who you become. And if you keep plugging in to the leading for growth community, when looking at all the different other entrepreneurs and the people are part of that programme, it will inspire you to keep climbing, to keep bleeding, to keep growing.
- Yeah, great.
- [Peter] Mm-hmm.
- Yeah. I'm with you on that one. So in my book, I talk about culture is strategy, and I didn't come up with that term. The first time I heard that was actually Seth Godin. Reading Seth Godin's books. You have in your book, "culture is leadership."
- [Peter] Mm-hmm?
- Can you elaborate on that?
- Well, I've had the honour and privilege to be involved in the National Rugby League for seven years. '05 to '011 with Des Hasler at Manly.
- [Chris] Mm-hmm.
- That was seven final series in a row. Then I had a couple of years out when he went to the Bulldogs. Then I went to South Sydney in '014, when they won their first premiership in 43 years. Now I'm one piece of the missing jigsaw. I don't... I'm not the coach whisperer or anything. I'm just quietly on the background, growing leadership, growing people, growing culture. All right? But what I learned from Professional Rugby League? Australia's women's football team, The Matildas. '015, I was involved in their world cup campaign for six months. Is that, when you come into a team and it's the same when I come into a business. It'll take me 30 minutes to observe, discern, feel, sense, whether there's a good culture or a bad culture in the organisation, because the answer is whether there's good leadership or bad leadership in the organisation. Culture is leadership. Leaders drive the culture. You hear about the word culture. Culture. It's just a word. What does culture mean? To me, culture means if it's gonna be a good culture, we've got good leaders. If it's gonna be a bad culture, we've got bad leaders. Everything rises and falls on leadership. I learned that from my mentor's mentor, John Maxwell. So if the leadership rises, the culture will go with it.
- And that's, I guess, what you're talking about in terms of growing yourself as a leader. As you grow yourself, you bring the organisation with you. So personal growth, it must be paramount for all leaders to continue. Hence reading books, doing courses, all that sort of stuff.
- Personal change is a decision. It's an inside job.
- [Chris] Mm.
- You know, if you look at where I am today? You're not meeting the same Coxey that started out on that journey in October, 1988. Substance abuse. Alcohol abuse. Marriage on the rocks. $11 in the bank. Partied seven days a week. Had no responsibility in his life. And I had to make a decision that if I'm gonna get serious and real about wanting to create some form of legacy and success, and changing the roadmap of my family's history. I'm the first person in my family's entire history, of a couple hundred years that I know, that works for themself. I'm the only one that went out as an entrepreneur, a business owner, but I've had to change a lot and you never stop growing. You never stop changing. And I don't wanna be the same Coxey next year, this time. I want to be a better husband. Better father. Better mentor. Better friend. Better brother.
- Yeah.
- That's just an attitude.
- Yeah. Yeah. And you're competing only with yourself, by the sounds of things too? You're not comparing yourself to others.
- That's a big mistake-
- [Chris] Mm, mm-hmm.
- people make. If you compare yourself to other people, you're setting yourself up for failure. I've learned to look for me, down. Just me, I don't look sideways. Okay? Because you don't really know what's going on in people's lives.
- [Chris] Mm-hmm.
- And then some of the people that are made out to be so great. Have a look at some of the stories that can happen when you go, "Oh my gosh?" So just be the best that you can be, every single day.
- [Chris] Mm.
- I was up at 4:30 this morning. I started reading. I started doing some social media activity to give back to the community with some thoughts. I want to use my 24 hours, seven days a week and be the best that I can be for me. To lead people, first you've gotta lead yourself.
- [Chris] Mm.
- That's a big challenge for whoever's listening to this right now. What must you do to lead you better? Never mind about you leading someone else. How are you leading you?
- [Chris] Mm.
- And when I look at how I was leading myself in 1988 to how I'm leading myself now? It's a huge difference, and maybe that's why I live in a different house and drive a different car too.
- Yeah. Yeah. I believe everybody wants to be, you know, this leader that, you know, accomplished their dreams and goals. And they always want to... I think they always want to be, you know, better than they are now. A lot of people do this, and the comparison syndrome comes in all the time. Why can't I have that?
- [Peter] Mm.
- Or that must be nice. All that sort of stuff. But I love exactly what you said. If somebody wants to make a change, make that change and step onto that path. That new path that maybe they've never stepped onto before. What do you believe the first thing is that they need to do in order to-
- They need to-
- do that?
- They need to invest in someone to mentor and lead them.
- Okay.
- They need to become accountable to someone that they trust implicitly, that speaks into them, into their life, and tells them the truth. And that takes humility.
- [Chris] Yeah.
- And the more successful that person becomes in life, the more humility they need.
- 100%. So when they meet resistance with that mentor which is inevitably gonna happen. It could happen in a very short timeframe or whatnot. Is that a, you know, mentor/mentee mismatch or, you know, do they just need to get over it and get on with it, like?
- If you really want to grow, change, grow your leadership, become wiser, more successful in life? You need to be accountable to someone. What gives you the right to lead me, Chris, if I'm under your leadership if no one's leading you? Why should I listen to you? You're not being led by anyone, but you wanna change me.
- [Chris] Hmm.
- So that's a very important point. So for 22 years, I had a mentor that spoke into my life. He died of esophageal cancer in August, 2013. He was in his mid 60s. He was older than me. Wiser than me. Wealthier than me. We had some ding dong battles-
- because he had to knock a few edges off me. Call it ego. Call it pride. Call it whatever you like. And then three or four months down the track, I'd say to my wife, "Now I know why he said this to me." He saw what was coming. When you find the right mentor, the right leader, they see things that are coming to have saved you time, save you money, save you pain and hurt.
- Yeah.
- But, you may not like what you hear. When you get led, the advice you get is only as good as the questions you ask. The problem with that is don't ask the question if you don't want to hear the answer.
- Yeah. Beautiful. Beautiful. So being the Proactive Podcast, I ask this question of everybody. Where have you been most proactive in your life, and how has that benefited you?
- Proactive is... I've dedicated my life to growing myself as a leader. Every single day for 34 years. Every single day, I'm focused on what can I do to grow my leadership, which really means what can I do to grow my influence. Influence means follow me. So when you look behind you, Chris, who's following you? Now, the number of people that are following you will determine how much influence you have, and that means what sort of leader you really are. If you look behind you and no one wants to follow you, follow your vision, you've got no influence. You're not a leader. We all start out with not many people following us or following us for the wrong reasons. So what I've really been active in my life is, 'Well, how can I have more influence in Chris Hogan's life if I'm mentoring and leading him?" I'm 59 years of age. I go to the gym 4-6 times a week. I drink three litres of water a day. I walk my dogs 3-5 kilometres a day. I take me time twice a week to play golf. No phones, no social media. Okay, I work on the spiritual side of my life. I read 15 minutes a day. I'm on a gluten free diet. The more that the... Leadership's about behaviours. It's not about results. Everyone wants the result. I want to be a millionaire. I want to be a world surfing champion. I want to win the NRL premiership. I want 500 staff in my business. That's the result. The way in which I work in Leadership Dynamics? The way my online programme, Leading for Growth, will challenge you? Is it's gonna grow new behaviours in you. So all I've done every single day of my life. What I've been proactive about is to grow better behaviours. Whatever that behaviour needs to be. And the better that behaviour becomes, the better my results have become. There's no coincidence.
- Mm. I heard a lot of things in there that I think were very positive and influential.
- The number one thing I heard in there that I think somebody can take away is that you have focused on you and your physical and mental health.
- [Peter] Correct.
- You're super proactive there.
- [Peter] Mm-hmm.
- You've already told us that you bounce out of bed at 4:30 in the morning. For those people that aren't morning people and that resist that, "Hey, I don't have to be a morning person to, you know, to be successful. I don't have to have cold showers and ice baths and do exercise and eat well." What's your response to that?
- Everyone has to make their own choices for their own life. You know, what you are choosing not to change, you're choosing. We all have choices to make. I'm not saying getting up early in the morning is gonna help you become more successful. That's just the way in which I need to lead myself.
- [Chris] Yeah.
- Maybe you need to get up at 12 o'clock in the day and stay up till midnight. I'm not that sort of person. You've gotta work out what is the right routine for you that's gonna make you love the journey of life. I'm more of a morning person than an evening person. I get that. But it's more about when you get up, what behaviours do you really need to grow and improve in so that you lead and not manage? There's a big difference between leading and managing people, and leading and managing your life.
- Yeah. Yeah, look, I'm a morning person and it took me a little while to figure that out.
- [Peter] Mm-hmm.
- But it's the best part of my day, to be perfectly honest.
- [Peter] Mm-hmm.
- 'Cause it's me time.
- [Peter] Mm-hmm.
- No one else is up.
- [Peter] Yeah.
- I try not to talk to anybody.
- [Peter] Mm-hmm.
- You know, between getting out of bed and getting the dog on the road for the walk.
- Mm-hmm.
- And then by the time I get back, you know, I might be okay to talk to someone. But maybe it's after the cold shower too, so. I've created that rhythm. And I love the book, "Atomic Habits," which-
- [Peter] Mm-hmm?
- I think, helped me implement these things.
- [Peter] Yeah.
- You know? What does it mean when I get out of bed? It means walk. It means walk the dog.
- [Peter] Great.
- What does it mean when I walk the dog? It means have a cold shower.
- [Peter] Mm-hmm.
- What does it mean when I have a cold shower? It means have a miso soup.
- [Peter] Mm-hmm.
- What does it mean after I've had a miso soup? Maybe have an apple.
- Mm-hmm.
- So what does it mean, you know, when I see someone in the morning, you know? It means, say good morning. You know? Like no devices and all that sort of stuff. So I think those types of things have really helped me create behaviours that get me right before I see or try and influence anybody else. I've gotta influence myself in my positive mind. Some days, I just can't believe the energy I've got from that.
- [Peter] Yeah.
- Like this morning. Look, podcasts do light me up. And honestly-
- [Peter] Mm-hmm.
- having you on as a guest, I was very excited about. I walked-
- [Peter] Mm-hmm?
- and listened to your Ted Talk on edification this morning.
- [Peter] Right. Mm-hmm.
- That was powerful. Actually, I think I even had a tear.
- [Peter] Mm-hmm.
- 'Cause I know at times I have actually, you know, pulled somebody else down.
- [Peter] Mm-hmm.
- And sometimes that had to happen for... Well, I thought it had to happen for various reasons like performance reviews or whatever. But to be perfectly honest, I wish I didn't have to do that.
- [Peter] Mm-hmm.
- And I'd love to celebrate people's achievements a lot more. Can you elaborate on that Ted Talk, on the edification?
- Edification changed my life was the topic, and it did change my life. So whoever's listening to this podcast? Just put in Peter Cox, edification changed my life, and hopefully it'll change your life. Hopefully it'll change the way you interact with people. People need to be empowered, not torn down. People are so fragile. Insecure. Fear, anxiety. We never know really what's going on in people's lives either. Just because someone's smiling, doesn't mean they're smiling. And you know, the big thing for me in that talk is that it helped me heal my relationship with my mother.
- [Chris] Mm.
- And you know, my mum, she's 85 now. She's Stage 3 Alzheimer's. I'm going to Sydney next week to see her. My dad's got lung cancer. He's in his fifth week of radiation therapy. I've got no regrets now if my mum is to leave this world. I would have had regrets 15 years ago if I didn't heal that. There's a lot of great things my mum did for me. So instead of looking at the negatives, I started looking at empowering her with some of the great things she did for me. She always loved. I never... She loved me. I could never say she didn't love me. I need to acknowledge that more than what I used to, besides the bad stuff that was going on. Okay? You can promote anyone but yourself. So who can you promote today to make them feel better as a human being? Who can you edify? Edification means to build up.
- I hope that I'm promoting you mate because to be perfectly honest, I'm in total awe of what you've done and for how you've changed your life.
- [Peter] Mm.
- That change that you... Those changes that you've made and how you chased after a mentor, I've done similar things. Chased just after a mentor at an event. Needless to say, they didn't... Unfortunately, they didn't last long as a mentor. Those changes that you made in yourself, I think, you know, they really are inspiring.
- And my mentor came out of an engineering background and direct sales background, and I was speaking on leadership at a direct sales conference. And I was just lucky that he saw leadership in me, that he took the time to invest 22 years of his life into me and teach me not only about how to build big, big businesses and lead people, but about marriage, relationships, spirituality, edification. I learned edification from my mentor. I'd never heard of it before. He said, "You de-edify, you don't edify." I said, "What's that mean?"
- Pull people down.
- I used to pull people down. I used to-
- To promote yourself. To make yourself feel better.
- [Peter] Correct.
- Make yourself feel bigger.
- I used to be a bad sledger. You know, I grew up in the Western suburbs of Sydney. I grew up in a very tough neighbourhood and the language that was used, and you never built people up, you tore them down.
- [Chris] Yeah.
- And I can't change my past.
- [Chris] No.
- And I think we can all do better about empowering and uplifting and building people up. And right now, my mental health's very important 'cause my mother's dying.
- [Chris] Mm.
- My father's right on the edge.
- [Chris] Mm.
- My youngest son broke his neck playing footy seven years ago and we've had seven years of hell with that, but he's starting to recover now. My oldest son got melted down with COVID, 17 week lockdown in Sydney. You know, we're helping him heal right now. Right, he's 28 years of age. He's a gun in digital media, marketing, and sales and everything. So I'm a parent. I'm a husband. I've gotta do things in my life to lead me better so that I don't lose it.
- [Chris] Yeah.
- 'Cause I'm a human being.
- [Chris] Yeah.
- And probably the most confronting thing in my life right now is going to see my mum who doesn't know me anymore. When I see her in hospital, she thinks I'm Peter and I've got a TV show on Channel 7. So there you go. And she did say, "But you're very good looking." I said, "You got that right, mum." That's what she... That's all she says to me, nothing else.
- And my dad has tears in his eyes.
- [Chris] Aw, yeah.
- You know? It's a tough gig-
- [Chris] Yeah.
- watching your parents get older.
- Oh.
- Yeah, my old man died in 2010 from-
- [Peter] Oh.
- cancer from asbestos.
- [Peter] Right.
- So it laid dormant in his body for 35 years-
- [Peter] Really?
- before he even knew about it.
- [Peter] Wow.
- And that was-
- [Peter] Hmm.
- That was... Honestly when I look back, I miss him dearly-
- [Peter] Mm-hmm.
- and hence why he's so much in my book, but-
- [Peter] Mm-hmm.
- it was a very good time to heal a lot of wounds. For him to, you know, sort of make amends with my elder sister 'cause they were head to head. He was a young father, you know?
- [Peter] Mm-hmm.
- Father at 21 kind of thing, you know?
- [Peter] Mm-hmm.
- So. You know, that slow death over a 12 month period, ended up being a good thing.
- [Peter] Mm.
- 'Cause you got to say a lot of things that you otherwise might not say.
- [Peter] Yeah.
- Unfortunately at the end he... Yeah, he lost his mind.
- [Peter] Mm-hmm.
- Which was very sad. But one of the funniest things, he was a dairy farmer's son. So-
- [Peter] Mm-hmm.
- And he became a cattleman at the end of his life. He spent six years... The last six years of his life living out his dream.
- [Peter] Wow.
- He owned his cattle farm.
- [Peter] Mm-hmm.
- 300 acres of Casina. 150 head of Angus cattle.
- [Peter] Mm-hmm.
- And it was-
- [Peter] Awesome.
- Just loving it.
- The dream is everything.
- Oh mate, he's the first person I know and still today, probably the only person I know that every time he said, "You know, my dream is to own a cattle farm. I'm gonna be a cattle farmer." And he did it.
- I was like, that's bullshit. Who does that, you know?
- [Peter] Mm-hmm.
- And he did it.
- There's a big lesson there.
- [Chris] Oh, massive.
- 'Cause time is short-
- [Chris] Yeah.
- and time passes quickly.
- And he only got six years of it though, but he got it.
- [Peter] He got it, mm-hmm.
- He knew he was gonna die young. He kept on saying it.
- [Peter] Hmm.
- I've only probably got another 10 years. He used to say it all the time. I was like, "Dad, stop it."
- [Peter] Mm.
- "Stop talking like that." You know?
- [Peter] Mm-hmm.
- The funny thing that happened at the very end, he lost his mind. He was on death's door. We put him in hospital. He had 24 hours basically there in the hospital, and when he got into hospital, they gave him oxygen. He hadn't had any oxygen, you know, during the last, you know, 12 months of his life, and it gave him this huge burst of energy.
- [Peter] Right.
- And he burst out of bed and he didn't know what was going on. So I picked up the cables on the floor that were leading to all the, you know, things beeping, buzzing and lights and all the rest of it. And he made a lasso and he tried to lasso the nurses.
- [Chris] That was his last night on earth.
- What a champion. Yeah. Yeah, so... Yeah it is a tough time, isn't it? When your parents get older, the people you love get older and especially Alzheimer's. I remember my grandmother going through it, like not knowing who it was. My grandfather, absolutely. Yeah, it's tough.
- And the reason why I share that is I've gotta be the best leader I can be for my family right now. I gotta stay strong. I gotta stay level.
- [Chris] Yeah.
- I can't lose it.
- [Chris] Mm.
- And the more pressure, the calmer I've gotta be.
- So, when do you take time to grieve?
- [Peter] On the golf course.
- To keep-
- Sorry. Sorry, I laughed there mate.
- When I hit a bad shot on.
- Oh, jeez.
- I go. I go up to the Grand Golf Course. I'm a member up there, in Nerang. I play 18 holes on my own, like I did yesterday, in two and a half hours. Beautiful afternoon. And I think about what I'm grateful about, what I'm sad about. What lessons did I learn? Why I love my wife so much? Kids, you know? What can I do for my dad right now? I just need that me time just to-
- [Chris] Yeah.
- Think things through. There's no noise. There's no one around me. And I think, you know, everyone needs to have that time. People don't take the time to think. They take the time to do. The greatest gift you can give a human being is to change the way they think. If you're thinking doesn't change, nothing changes. You keep thinking the same way, you're gonna keep getting the same results.
- [Chris] Mm.
- And that's the power of this podcast. Whoever's listening to this podcast right now. There may be one thing that you or I have said changes the way they think, which means they'll change the way they behave which means their results will change.
- So, I'm 100% on board with that. I take time out of business and family life to take care of me. Just to be with me.
- [Peter] Mm-hmm.
- I have cadence when it's a full week. There's no public holidays in this, and you know? And it's normally Wednesdays. Wednesdays are my day off. I prefer to surf. All that sort of stuff. Going through this Easter period when it's, you know, a four-day week every week of the month-
- That's right.
- I say to myself, "Look, you can't afford to have that time out. You've just gotta slog it through." Which undoes me.
- You cannot not afford to have that time out.
- [Chris] Yeah.
- You have to make time for yourself. It'll actually make you more effective.
- [Chris] Mm.
- And in my book that I wrote, "Your Business Shouldn't Need You," if you've got people you're paying? Like I pay staff, I'm gonna empower 'em and just do your job. You have to be able to delegate, and leadership is a responsibility. You've got a big responsibility when you lead people. Whoever is leading people, It's a big responsibility. But first, you've gotta lead yourself better. It starts with you.
- Mm. Hmm. My questions have jumped off the screen mate, but... It's been absolutely fantastic talking to you, Coxey. I think that so many people in the Priority Podcast network would benefit from your services, your mentoring. And like you said, if that's not affordable, it was lead for growth?
- Leading for Growth.
- Dot com?
- Leading4growth.com.au with number four. Leading4, number four, growth.com.au. And if they want to go to my website, Leadership Dynamics, www.leadershipdynamics.com.au, there's two free eBooks they can download. They can download "The Dream is Everything," and they can download "Your Business Shouldn't Need You." There's two free eBooks there that they can download off the website if they want.
- Yeah, fantastic. There was a lot of people in that book that had very good things-
- [Peter] Yeah.
- to say about you mate. And it's a funny thing about testimonials, isn't it? You probably wouldn't have put any in there that would've talked negatively about you. No, no.
- So everybody knows-
- That's why I didn't put my wife in there.
- [Chris] I'm sure your wife's a lovely person. Probably yeah, helps you to grow you know, every day by giving you critical feedback. Yeah.
- But... I think the quality and the quantity of those testimonials in that book was I think the testament to you and I think your life. Actually, one thing before we go. It seems to me that every successful person has gone through some kind of adversity. It started very early in your life. Theo, the same. I didn't have any-
- [Peter] Mm-hmm?
- until I basically had a midlife crisis at 40.
- [Peter] Mm-hmm.
- And that has elevated me to change my life and do better and change my output on life. What's your viewpoint on that, on the adversity side of things?
- I try and share this with my clients. One day, you'll wish you had more time and you had more money. When people say you don't need money? No, it's the love of money. But you need money and you need time. You're gonna get a phone call one day. No one does not get this phone call, where you wish you had more time and more money. So you've gotta prepare yourself for adversity. Get ready for it 'cause it's coming. That phone call. That moment in your life is coming. No one misses it.
- You may be 50 years of age right now and life is just fantastic. It's coming. Maybe you've already had stuff in your 30s. 20s like I did. That's why you need to change. Grow. Equip yourself. Because if you don't strengthen your mind, strengthen your spirit, you don't strengthen the right behaviours? When that big call comes which really rocks your world? You'll fall apart.
- Nice one.
- [Peter] Mm-hmm.
- I've got some great responses to that, but I'm gonna leave the podcast on that note. That was fantastic. We're all gonna face adversity and we need to prepare ourselves for it. So in my language, that means being proactive.
- Being proactive.
- Yeah.
- [Peter] Prevention.
- Yeah.
- [Peter] Mm-hmm.
- Thanks very much, Coxey.
- Thanks Chris. Thanks for having me.
- Have you got a social channel that people can follow you on? What's your handle? How do they find you?
- petercoxcoxey on Instagram, and LinkedIn, when they were 12 and a half thousand followers on LinkedIn, under Peter Cox. Yeah, mm-hmm.
- Fantastic. Thanks again, mate.
- [Peter] Okay.
- Thanks for watching guys. That was episode 135 with Peter Coxey. We are on Apple podcasts, Spotify but above all, every episode is on YouTube and you can find them there by searching for MeMedia or searching for Peter Cox. As well as if you can't find 'em there, go to memedia.com.au. Thanks very much for watching guys, and we'll see you next time. Cheers.
